I’m Staring At Cracks (in my iPhone)
So on my recent travels I stopped by the Apple Store at Union Square in NYC just to kill some time. Not surprisingly, there was a herd of people lining up for the much revered iPhone 3G. Funny thing was most of them were killing the 5 hour wait fiddling with their old, perfectly fine iPhones.
I wonder how long the wait is to return a cracked one?
Suckers.
How to tell if your job sucks
"I'll get right on it, Barry"
- It takes you more than 15 minutes to get there
- Your have a boss named Barry
- You sit next to a person who eats at their desk
- You eat at your desk
- You have to use Excel for stuff
- Your idea of ‘fun’ is chatting with the mailroom dudes
- Two words: Secret Santa
- Your IT department blocks every website on earth except the company’s
- The highlight of your day involves a vending machine
- You make less than $50,000 a year
- It’s in New York
This is the worst movie ever
Yeah I know, there are some shit movies out there. But every once in a while you see a movie and you say to yourself, ‘Man, this is really shit.’ Then you give it another 5 minutes and turn it off.
Anyway, this movie is called The Music Within. It stars that guy who was in Office Space. And I guess since he gave such a blindingly good performance in that role, he is now getting ‘proper’ acting jobs. Too bad, because he SUCKS.
I love it when he gets sent to fight in Vietnam, and sports the same long hair and sideburns he had before he left. Crap. Utter crap.
Are you trying to trick me?
Back when I didn’t know any better, I used to have a PC running Windows. That was 12 years ago, mind you.
Seems like Classmates.com needs to brush up on my computing history, because they keep trying to fool me into clicking on this.
How amazingly realistic are those file folders? And that file path almost tricks me every time.
Actually, from what I’ve seen, Windows still looks pretty much like that. Just a few more colors here and there.
Booby Trap! (Pun intended)
So I slipped a couple old scratched up 2 Live Crew LPs into the pile of records at my parents yard sale.
Laughs all round!
Well maybe just laughs for me.
Fat Guy, Little Bat
Who says living in New York makes you fat?
I do. I was so fat last summer I couldn’t even run the bases.
Actually I think I had a bad back this game. The game after, I think I was just back to being fat again.
The New Style
Today when I woke up I was hungrier than usual.
I was like, “Yo. I’m gonna have three pieces of toast today. Not two.”
Yeah, motherfucker. Three pieces. Not Two. I’m the man like that.
Also, I am changing my name to Tony John or TJ for short. So call me that from now on.
Australia, Weirder Than Ever
Today between my 5th and 6th Peter Stuyvestant I went to Subway… you know the sandwich place, they have them here. To my astonishment, someone asked for (and received) Olde English cheese on their sub. I wonder if it really tastes like Olde English. What a concept.
six inches of sanger
40 Ounces of Piss
Top 10 Signs You Have Bad Breath
- You can actually smell it yourself
- Not even your dog will go near you
- Your sentences come out in green speech bubbles
- You start to hear your teeth complain
- Blowing into your girlfriend’s ear results in it falling off
- You are constantly offered ‘insanely strong’ mints
- Your dentist starts wearing an oxygen tank
- Your fork wilts every time you try to eat something
- Your toothbrush goes on strike
- Your mouth looks like this guy’s
The Rebound
Not so long ago I figured out that practically every girl I have ever dated ends up getting engaged to very the next guy she goes out with after me.
So LADIES, if you are looking to get married fairly soon, let’s date for a while; have a few hot dinners, maybe a movie and perhaps some sex on the weekends. We will then break up quite amicably and I personally guarantee that you will marry your very next boyfriend.
(Rates begin at $55 per date. Additional break-up fee of $135.)
